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YA
Seventeen-year-old Ariel Burns is struggling with constant, anxious "what-if" thoughts and dark, violent "crocodile in my mind" fantasies that have escalated to an obsessive degree. She resorts to extreme, repetitive actions such as walking in circles sixty-four times to keep those awful thoughts at bay. With her beloved older sister away at college, her parents emotionally distant, and her best friend gone for the summer, Ariel is having difficulty separating fantasy from reality and worries that she is a danger to others. The support of new friends and texts from her sister help her to begin to confront those concerns. Cole explores the parallel stories of Ariel's inner and outer realities through compelling free verse and illuminating juxtaposition of inner monologue and external events. Questions of gender identity are interwoven as Ariel wonders what it means to be a "girl" when you're 5'11" and wear a size twelve shoe. "I am too many things, all of them / too. / Too big / Too quiet / Too broad / Too off." This powerful novel in verse provides an intimate look at the patterns of obsessive-compulsive disorder and offers an opportunity to explore the ways our inner voices affect our behavior and self-concept. Mental health resources are appended.